Craigslist Roundup: Naughty Reckless Drivers And Classic NES Fetishists

As y'all know by now, I loves me some wacky craigslist ads. A friend back in Rhode Island sent a tweet about this beaut last night, posted by a naughty little reckless-driving minx in Cranston who just wants to be punished for moving violations...and then get off, in more ways than one. The screenshot is below, in case the post gets flagged for removal for some reason. Click to enlarge.

Then, just this morning, Lis sent me the link to an awesome recent addition to the best of craigslist. You really must read the whole thing, but here's one of my favorite parts:

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

He's so particular! But I have to say, the line "When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you" is (literally) fucking genius.

White, Powerlifting Offensive Linemen Weighing 311 or 313 Need Not Apply

Talk about a narrow fetish:

Scale will be provided. You must weigh exactly 312 lbs. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.

Tell Them How You Really Feel

I am a regular reader of missed connections on craigslist, and even though my gay chauvinism means I pretty much read only the m4m listings, I must say, they really are usually the best. To wit, one I saw today titled "To the three boys that I am dating." It's a long post, and it's so good that it's hard to pick just one part to quote. But here's a choice snippet:

Bachelor Number 1- you're a nice guy. a bit of a nerd. but that's okay because I'm a dork. but I think the contrasting difference between the two is that at least when I'm dorking out, it's interesting and endearing. whereas you tend to nerd out about really boring things.
...
p.s., again, I'm really sorry for coming on your bible. but you really shouldn't have left it on the nightstand table, open to the verses about man laying with another man. I wish you would let it go.

You really should read the whole thing (language NSFW).

(t/y Joey)