Yes. We. Did.

Holy fucking shit. More later, but that's about all I can say right now.

Photo of Philadelphians celebrating Obama's victory last night from HuffPo

Lady Miss Kier And I Need To Have A Word With You.

Three words, actually.



Sorry for the lack of updates lately, people. Between school- and Phillies- and election-related mayhem, a bitch has been busy. But not too busy to bring you an important public service message: VOTE BABY VOTE!

LET'S DO THIS, PHILADELPHIA!

COME ON, PHILS, AND RIDE THE SOUL TRAIN TO VICTORY TONIGHT!!!





k thx 4 foto philly.com

Why Fundamentalism Is Dangerous

Fundamentalism in any form is terrifying and dangerous. Sure, it makes your life easier; you don't have to worry about what the answer is because it's always Jesus or God or Allah or Whoever. But it makes you stop thinking. And it gives people the false notion that a return to theocratic monarchy would magically heal the world. News flash, Tracys of the world: it'll be the death of us all.

And the menacing "I'LL PRAY FOR HIM"? Creepy.

"Jeepers Crumpets, Who Could That Be?"

I present to you the first minute or so of the Sarah Palin-themed porn, Nailin' Palin. And yes, it's safe for work.

Puck Falin Update

So since my last post on the matter, Governor Palin has come to Philly and gone. But there's two fun new things to share. First, of course, is the video of Governor Palin dropping the puck and clearly getting booed - before the deafening music over the PA system drowns out the crowd.



Second is an excellent t-shirt for sale on Etsy that a classmate tipped me off to:

God, what will we do when this woman disappears from the national stage?

Puck Falin

The other day on Philebrity, there was a post about how incredibly stupid it was for Ed Snider to arrange for Sarah Palin to throw out the first puck at the Flyers' opener tonight. In the comments, people were gettin' riled up, and reminded them not to do anything stupid or violent, as it would only make Palin into a sympathetic figure. "Still," I concluded, "puck Falin."

When I next checked in on Philebrity, my heart was moved to see this post and the following graphic.My fellow Philadelphians, I am honored to have inspired this. For God and Benny Franklin, I remain,

Faithfully yours,
sweet jawnny

I Also Want To Marry Donna Brazile

At the New Yorker breakfast this past weekend, Donna Brazile launched into an amazing ad-libbed speech about race and the election. It's passionate but not angry, stirring but not cheesy. Like Anderson Cooper, I would love to be her boo.

I Want To Marry Betty White

In this clip, she refers to Sarah Palin as a "crazy bitch" and says she'd love, really love to give Barack Obama more "experience."

All The Fat Stupid Racist People

The crowd in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, filing into a recent McCain-Palin rally.



Terrorist, Muslim, Communist. All these words are red herrings. What these people so clearly want to say is "nigger." I'd be able to deal with videos like this better if these people just called Obama a nigger because at least then they'd be honest. They believe what they need to believe so that they can go to bed at night thinking they're not racist. Fucking assholes. I'm embarrassed to share a skin color and a state with these slimebags. This is your base, Republicans? In 2008?

No Palin Press Conference Before Election Day

Unsurprising. But terrifying and unprecedented. Can you imagine what she'd be like if McCain kicked the bucket and she became president? She'd out-Dubya Dubya.

On a slightly less serious note, it's not just the McCain campaign's undermining of the role of the press in a democratic society that bothers me here. It's also the fact that were being deprived of the certain-to-be-hilarious answers Palin would give if she did ever hold a press conference. Yesterday, one lucky reporter on the trail actually got to ask her a question(!): did she think Obama was dishonest? And this is what the Governor, wordsmith of the Last Frontier, said:

I’m not saying he’s dishonest, but in terms of judgment, in terms of being able to answer a question forthrightly, it has two different parts to this. The judgment and the truthfulness and just being able to answer very candidly a simple question about when did you know him, how did you know him, is there still — has there been an association continued since ’02 or ’05, I know I’ve read a couple different stories. I think it’s relevant.

Umm, what? "In terms of being able to answer a question forthrightly," indeed. If we elect this inarticulate, incurious, flash-card-governing fool and her running mate to the two highest offices in the land, we are a sorry lot indeed. Or we're geniuses for getting ourselves at least four years of Tina Fey impressions on SNL.

The Joy of Sox

The Red Sox won the American League Division Series last night in dramatic fashion and advance to the AL Championship Series where they'll face AL East rival Tampa Bay. But that's boring. What's not boring is a Gchat conversation I had with my friend (and devoted fan of this blog) Maureen during Game 3 of this series, which was Sunday night. I know there are a few Red Sox fans who read this, but I think the ladies and gays out there who generally like sports, even if they're not Sox fans, will appreciate it too.

me: are you watching the sox?

Maureen: yeah dude rough game
end this shit

me: srsly

Maureen: Figgins
hahaha awful name

me: i wanted my boys to fucking homer in the bottom of the 9th but they weren't listening to me screaming at the TV
chone figgins. yeah. terrible name, all around.

Maureen: i know, i cant believe pedroia didnt listen

me: pedroia is my little snugglebear

Maureen: mine too

me: i would house him in a sec. [NOTE: The proper pronunciation of "house" in this context is "haüs".]

Maureen: me too

me: lolz this is why i love talking sports with gays or ladies

Maureen: totally
i was just telling struwe that i wish big ben would shave off his goatee
oh there he is!

me: ben who? roethlisberger?

Maureen: yeah
steelers just won

me: ugh
hate them
and yeah, big ben would be cute without the peach fuzz chin pubes

Maureen: yeah, because when you combine that with his white trash southern accent, its not a good combo

me: meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, kevin youkilis has the most ridiculous facial hair...to ever turn me on.
big ben doesn't have a good chin, really

Maureen: jahahhaha really

me: yeah dude
i'm all about the epic youk-goat

Maureen: i dont like youks, it grosses me out
lol
damn pedroia

me: i just screamed DAMN IT DUSTIN at the TV
why don't they ever hear me?

Maureen: papi looks like his beard was painted on tonight

me: lol
i just said that out loud to myself
this conversation is totally going on my blog, btw

Maureen: lol
610-[redacted]
thats my #, since this is going on your blog
There must be at least a handful of cute straight guys who read your blog

me: hahahaha
well, there's at least some cute gays who read it
and we're good drinking buddies

Maureen: yeah, good enough
men are men

me: spoken like a true maneater

Maureen: just call me nelly
sweeeeeeeeet

me: YES
see? never doubt the power of the youk-goat.

Maureen: he looks like a country sociopath

me: some of us have fantasies...

Maureen: lol

Photo from The Boston Globe

Harpy Hasselbeck Auditions For Fox News

The Huffington Post has great video of Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View claiming that while any mention of John McCain's involvement in the Keating Five scandal is off-limits, mentions of Barack Obama's tenuous connections to former Weatherman William Ayers are fair game. Needless to say, the other women of The View tear her a new one. And that was without Joy Behar, who was out today. It's not surprising Hasselbeck was pushing GOP talking points today, as it's rumored she may be considering a move to Fox "News" Channel.

Lady In Cow Costume Arrested

In non-Sarah-Palin-related (but equally amusing) news, a woman in Ohio was recently arrested while wearing a cow costume. And yes, she was wearin' it for the mugshots!

According to WKRC in Cincinnati, Michelle Allen was arrested for disorderly conduct for allegedly chasing children, blocking traffic, even peeing on a neighbor's porch - all while wearing the cow suit. Police say she smelled of booze when they arrested her. There's a shocker!

Image from WKRC-TV

Palin B-I-N-G-O

Have fun during the debate tonight with Palin Bingo! This square is my personal favorite:

Get it? Her head is Air Space! lolzorz!!!1! I'm gonna hafta get good and drunk to watch this fiasco between her and Gaffebot5000 tonight. On the upside, they both have fake Twitter accounts now.

Sarah Palin Round-Up

It seems like every day she says or does some new stupid thing! Here's a round-up of recent Sarah Palin goodness. First, a clip from this past weekend's Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey is fucking brilliant.



Next up, Sarah Palin makes the bold claim to Katie Couric that she reads ALL newspapers. Every single one of 'em. (Including the Times of London and Le Monde?) But she can't seem to remember the names of any of them. In fairness to her, however, she probably isn't allowed to mention most of them unless she attaches the disclaimer, "but I don't read that wacky LIBERAL ELITE paper anymore! I just trust my maverick intuition to tell me what's goin' on in the world!"



Finally, Sarah Palin and John McCain's joint appearance in a Katie Couric interview. Kathryn-Jean Lopez of the National Review put it best: "this video looks like Sarah Palin went back to the principal's office with her dad." You know it's bad when even the National Review isn't loving her.



Yes, those "Gotcha! journalism" questions from Temple grad students at Tony Luke's. Oh wait, he's not a journalist? Just a voter? Oy.

More Like HOT Hand Luke

R.I.P. Paul Newman.

Sarah Palin To Get Good And Tight In Center City Before The Debate

My fellow Philadelphians, in case you haven't already heard, Sarah Palin is going to be knockin' back a few shots with hand-picked supporters from 7-ish until 8-ish at Irish Pub at 20th and Walnut tonight. So if you've got your "I'm with stupid -->" t-shirt on today and you want a photo op, tonight's your chance!

Sarah Palin On Alaska's Foreign Neighbors

So here's the actual version of the video I posted earlier. What just struck me about this that hadn't struck me before was this line from Gov. Palin: "It's funny that a comment like that was kind of made to...um, char-...I don't know, you know. Reporters. Mocked, yeah. I guess that's the word, yeah." It's not the fact that she got hamstrung for a moment there - it happens to all of us - it's the, "You know. Reporters!" bit. It's odd on two levels. Last I checked, one, Katie Couric *is* a reporter (though some people may differ with me on that), and two, Sarah Palin majored in journalism. Reporters, indeed!

Putin Rears His Head!

SUPERLOLZ:

via boingboing

I Personally Believe...

This clip probably best sums up my feelings on the Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric.



More Palin-tastic fun later!

Lunchtime Poll

Not really. But it is a clip from Heathers.



Sorry for the lack of posts this week. School has been busy, and besides, so many ridiculous things have happened this week, I don't even know where to begin. But I know it will involve video of Sarah Palin being a complete idiot, so check back for that!

Dept. of Mindnumbing Irony and General What-the-Fuckery

Had I had coffee in my mouth when I read this tidbit from CNN's Political Ticker, I would have spat it all over my computer. It's good I didn't, so that I could bring you this post. Prominent Hillary Clinton supporter Lady (yes, darling, she's nobility) Lynn Forester de Rothschild (yes, darling, those de Rothschilds), is set to endorse John McCain tomorrow. But she's not your run-of-the-mill PUMA, as her noble title and wealth suggest. Why is she supporting McCain, you ask?

“This is a hard decision for me personally because frankly I don't like him,” she said of Obama in an interview with CNN’s Joe Johns. “I feel like he is an elitist. I feel like he has not given me reason to trust him.”

Wow. Just...wow. The mind boggles, frankly. All I can think of is those posters from the '80s of rich people leaning on Rolls-Royces with the line "Poverty Sucks" above. In that spirit, I give you the following.

Ahhh. I feel better now.

LOL Of The Week

A much-needed election-related laugh.

SPERM DONOR FAIL

When I saw this on the subway platform the other day, I wondered, Is he covering his face like that because he's embarrassed that he donated sperm and now all of Philadelphia knows? Or did he jizz in his eye?

Good Morning: Debbie Gibson, "Electric Youth"

This video is epic. It has a minute-long intro about how, well, ELECTRIC the YOUTH are. Enjoy!

Of Lipstick and Dipsticks

Sorry for the dearth of posts this week. My first writing assignment is due tomorrow, so I've been a bit scattered. Here's a morsel to tide you over: a screenshot of part of the New York Times website yesterday.

Taken out of context, it reads like something from The Onion. This is what passes for journalism? This is what we care about in a close election? Christ.

Good Morning: Reba McEntire, "Fancy"

I kind of love-hate Reba's cover of this song, but the video is friggin' priceless.

Good Morning: Paula Abdul, "Vibeology"

"Now," you ask, "what does it mean?" Why, it's the study of the chemistry between you and me!

Bush To Follow Obama's Plan For Iraq And Afghanistan

Well, how about this: CNN reports that President Bush just announced a withdrawal of 8,000 troops from Iraq by February and an increase of troops in Afghanistan. This is basically what Obama has been saying we should do all along.

Bush said in a speech on Tuesday morning that improving conditions in Iraq will allow a "quiet surge" of American troops to Afghanistan, where there has been a resurgence of the Taliban and a growth in violence.

. . .

[The President announced:] "Over the next several months, we will bring home about 3,400 combat support forces -- including aviation personnel, explosive ordnance teams, combat and construction engineers, military police, and logistical support forces. By November, we will bring home a Marine battalion that is now serving in Anbar province. And in February of 2009, another Army combat brigade will come home.

"This amounts to about 8,000 additional American troops returning home without replacement. And if the progress in Iraq continues to hold, Gen. Petraeus and our military leaders believe additional reductions will be possible in the first half of 2009."

Meanwhile, you have McCain who has no plan for Iraq beyond the word "victory," which he has failed to define in any meaningful way, and his running mate, who believes we're doing God's work there:



The choice in this election is startingly clear.

Good Morning: Billy Ocean, "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car"

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday - law school is a greedy brat when it comes to my time. The theme for this week's morning videos will be Guilty Pleasures.

LOL Of The Week

via Towleroad

If The Real Thing Don't Do The Trick, You Better Make Up Somethin' Quick

TMZ reports that badass rock bitches Ann and Nancy Wilson of TOTALLY FRIGGIN' AWESOME GROUP THAT I LOVE Heart are asking the McCain campaign to stop using their song "Barracuda" as Alaska Governor and Republican vice presidential candidate "Sarah Barracuda" Palin's theme song. The video is below. Right on, Wilson sisters!

Good Morning: Pet Shop Boys, "New York City Boy"

Good Morning: Moby, "Feeling So Real"

Crank up the BPMs, baby!

I Was For It Before I Was Against It

Needs a caption. Seriously, WTF was McCain thinking picking her?!?

Image from Andrew Halcro via Ben Smith

Good Morning: Bob Sinclar, "Feel For You"

Campbell Brown's Game Is Seriously Tight

Watch her rip McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds a new one in this clip. By the way, what the hell kind of name is Tucker Bounds?

Palin-Mania!

First of all, thanks to everyone who visited JAWNNY over the last few days from Towleroad and Kenneth in the 212. I'm flabbergasted that my lunch break observation was so noteworthy!

Second, I was going to follow up on that post with another one on the s**tshow that is Sarah Palin, but luckily, a friend has already helpfully compiled everything new that's come to light about the Governor of Alaska since she was named the Republican candidate for vice president all of four days ago. Check out The Palin Report for a nice running list of the last few days' events.

Finally, the existence of The Palin Report frees me to do what I do best: strive for humor and silliness. In that spirit, I share with you another shocking resemblance that a member of the Palin clan bears to a celebrity. Bristol Palin kind of looks like - no, not Jamie Lynn Spears - gymnastics badass Shawn Johnson. See for yourself:

Leaving aside the total imprudence of McCain having picked a vice presidential candidate who seems to have an endless stream of bad press associated with her, at least she's brought us some entertainment! And a pregnant daughter who looks like one of the country's recent Olympic heroes.

Good Morning: Cassius, "The Sound of Violence"

This video is so mesmerizing. And the song ain't bad either.

Karen Walker for VP?

Is it just me...

...or does McCain's pick for vice president, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (left), look a little like Karen Walker?

SMS-Induced Smile

This morning I got the following text message from my friend Joey:

To: [Friend], jawnny, [Friend], and [Friend]: I had a dream last night that we all went to Montreal on a misdirected Atlantic City and sang thief of hearts at an impromptu karaoke we started in an abandoned church. [Ex of Friend] and [Ex of Friend] were there too, but we ignored them.

Abandoned church karaoke bar? Sounds amazing. Creating one on a misdirected casino bus on the way to Montreal? Sounds like an American sequel to Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Good Morning: Basement Jaxx, "Red Alert"

This song blew my mind the first time ever heard it, which was during the first week or two of college back in 1999. It's a huge part of the reason I am and always will be a house-head.

Mariah Carey Is Magic

This video from fourfour is, in a word, afuckingmazing.

John Kerry's Speech at the DNC

The networks all decided this speech by John Kerry was not really worth covering. Except it's the best speech I've ever heard him give. It's 13 minutes long, but it's absolutely worth setting aside some time for.

Good Morning: Junior Jack, "My Feeling"

I Love Being Right, or Why Gays Need the Right

Previously, in response to the absurd "scandal" about one of the founders of the gay sex site Manhunt being a McCain donor, I posted a screed about how we gays need to get over our kneejerk liberalism. The Los Angeles Times just ran a smart, even-handed piece by James Kirchick of The New Republic on just this issue.

This line really stuck out for me: "labeling everyone with whom [gay activists] don't agree a 'bigot' does not help the worthy cause of gay equality." I was reminded of the night I went on a bar crawl with fellow Obama supporters in the Gayborhood just before the April 22 primary here in Pennsylvania. We handed out literature and stickers and buttons, talked with people who were curious or had questions, and generally just put a gay face on the Obama campaign, as it were. On the whole, it was a great experience, but the things that some gays and lesbians we talked to that night believed about Obama were frightening. Many people were convinced he was anti-gay. The Donnie McClurkin incident seemed to have done a lot of damage - never mind that under Bill Clinton, husband of the woman most people we talked to that night supported and supposedly a hero of gays, we got Don't Ask Don't Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act. Most had no idea that Obama's stance on LGBT issues was actually slightly more progressive than Hillary Clinton's. One (rather drunk) Hillary supporter got into a screaming fight with one of us, accusing all of us who were out supporting Obama of being homophobic. And she wasn't the only one.

So I think that experience (and keep in mind, we were out there in support of another Democrat - can you imagine what would have happened if we were McCain supporters?) gave me a greater awareness of our community's tendency to excommunicate anyone with whom we don't agree. We do this to our inestimable detriment. As Kirchick points out, Democrats alone have not been able to move this country forward on gay issues. Like it or not, we need Republicans.

Vigilante Proofreaders Banned From National Parks

I think these guys might be my heroes. Benjamin Herson (left) and Jeff Deck are banned from all National Parks after they damaged an antique, handpainted sign in Grand Canyon National Park - by correcting some sort of spelling and/or punctuation error on the sign. Deck is the man behind the Typo Eradication Advancement League (TEAL), an Internet-based group that encourages people to correct signage with typographical or grammatical errors. Unfortunately, the TEAL website tipped off the feds to Herson and Deck's crime. The moral of the story seems to be: don't document your vigilante proofreading prowess!

Good Morning: Artful Dodger feat. Craig David, "Re-Rewind"

I think for the next week (or so), my Good Morning jams will be some of my favorite dance songs of the late 1990s and early 2000s - that is, my club kid days. Up first, a chill little 2-step jawn featuring Craig David of "Fill Me In" fame. Whatever happened to him?

Zoning Board Grows A Pair, Rejects Tacky Unisys Sign

I am thrilled to see this. It would have set a terrible precedent, damaging one of the city's most important buildings, if Unisys - which wouldn't even be Two Liberty's biggest tenant - had been allowed to slap its logo on a building never meant to bear one. Go Zoning Board!

Good Morning: Le Tigre feat. Jessie Spano, "I'm So Excited"

This one goes out to everyone starting law school today.

Good Morning: Danity Kane, "Damaged"

So I never liked Danity Kane (or their bizarre name) until I heard this song. Fellow law nerds: there's probably a pun-laden song about torts somewhere in here.



Apologies for the little ads that appear during the video - this is the best version of it that I could find, even with the ads.

Good Morning: Taylor Dayne, "Prove Your Love"

I woke up with this in my head, so now I'm inflicting it on all of you. I especially love Taylor's WICKED NEW YAWK remarks before the video starts.

Texas Governor Wants To Allow Concealed Weapons In Classrooms

Yikes. The Houston Chronicle reports that Texas Governor Rick Perry (R) wants to allow school districts to set their own gun rules:

"I'm pretty much a fan that if you've been trained, if you are registered, then you ought to be able to carry a weapon," Perry said.

The idea is that, in the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy, having trained, gun-bearing adults on school campuses would help to quickly bring any similar future massacres to a halt. Or something. I'm not an expert on this, but my guess is that most school shootings are not Virginia Tech-style massacres, but rather one-on-one confrontations between students who aren't getting along. If that is true, I fail to see how having more guns (legal though they may be) on school campuses - particularly, grade school campuses - makes children safer. It also seems like school districts would potentially open themselves up to all kinds of legal problems by allowing guns in the classroom. All it takes is one teacher failing to lock up his or her gun, and a curious student or group of students.

via Andrew Sullivan

Good Morning: Jill Scott, "Gettin' In The Way"

Apologies for the long absence; I started law school this week and am trying to figure out how to work in blog-time. (The fact that the school's firewall seems not to like Blogger isn't helping matters. ) At any rate, here's one of my favorite videos from one of my favorite Philadelphians.

Miss Liukin If You're Nastia

I am officially, full-tilt in love with American gymnast Nastia Liukin. Her teammate Shawn Johnson may have been ordained the next Mary Lou Retton, her likeness stamped on all kinds of products, but Nastia's quiet elegance prevailed in last night's all-around finals.

Image from the Los Angeles Times

Gays Are Allowed To Be Republicans

I don't know if I'm getting conservative in my old age or what, but it seems like each new Gay Outrage of the Week makes less and less sense to me. To wit: peeps are upset about the fact that the owner of Manhunt (link NSFW) is a McCain contributor. "Log in, get off, get betrayed," fumes Joe, in a play on Manhunt's slogan.

OK. Let me be as clear as I possibly can here: THE OWNER OF MANHUNT IS ALLOWED TO BE A REPUBLICAN. As he himself pointed out, neither McCain nor Obama supports gay marriage. And it's not like Mr. Manhunt gave money to Romney or Huckabee, who are both unambiguous gay-haters.

I think what this whole situation illustrates is that what bothers some of us gays more than anything else is the mere existence of Log Cabin Republicans in the first place. For most of us, they seem to be an elusive species, rarely seen in the wild, even though there are plenty of non-liberal gays out there.

When we find out that a successful, wealthy - and sex-site owning gay, no less - is a member of the GOP, on top of our normal why-would-you-be-a-Republican-if-you're-gay reaction, there is this irrational but real sense of betrayal. "How could HE of all people give money to THEM?" we wonder. But I don't think it's all that shocking, and I don't think it, on its own, merits canceling a membership. The fact that Manhunt totally sucks and is destroying gay culture is a far more compelling reason to cancel one's membership.

(One small disclaimer: I'm all for informed consumerism. If you don't like what the people you're buying stuff from are doing with their money, by all means, don't give them your money anymore. Just don't expect everyone else to agree with you or do the same.)

Kids

Every time I see one of these buses around town


it makes me think of this:


...which is probably not the kind of mental association the Pennsylvania State Children's Health Insurance Program wants me to make.

Ruminations: Textbooks and Tyra

Law textbooks are, like, totally expensive. Here's just a sampling:

Right in the range I expected, but still, dang!

Brian and I are watching Tyra Banks's talk show right now. The topic is light-skinned vs. dark-skinned black women, and you can imagine the (low) level of discourse she's inciting. Currently a self-described light-skinned woman is on stage, being baited by Tyra to say racist shit about dark-skinned women. Then, of course, racist light-skinned woman gets dressed down by Tyra and the audience. I swear, Tyra clearly grows stronger by making those around her feel weak. She's kind of amazing.

Image of crazy Tyra from fourfour

Font of Fonts

Keeping in the spirit of my totally deep and spiritual theme here of late, here's a picture of me in my new hat! Thanks to Tré for pointing this one out to me.

Beach-Bound

Joey and I (but sadly not Brian) are off to my hometown for the weekend, where I anticipate we'll have a gay ol' time. Before I run along, here's a playlist I highly recommend for when you're out in the sun. I have to acknowledge this playlist at Refinery 29, since it provided some of the songs below.

The Zone-Out Mix
01 VHS Or Beta - Solid Gold
02 Röyksopp - Only This Moment
03 MGMT - Electric Feel
04 New Order - True Faith
05 Kylie Minogue - The One
06 Groove Armada - At The River
07 Yelle - Ce Jeu (Pirate Robot Midget Love Mix)
08 John Maus - Rights For Gays
09 Madonna - What It Feels Like For A Girl (Calderone & Quayle Dark Side Mix)
10 Pet Shop Boys - I Don't Know What You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore Being Boring
11 El Guincho - Palmitos Park
12 Télépopmusik - Breathe
13 Wax Poetic feat. Norah Jones - Angels (Morgan Page Remix)
14 Yeasayer - Sunrise (Hey Champ Remix)
15 Air France - Beach Party

Glamorous

Here's where I was yesterday at noon.

Guido Beach

This video about the denizens of the Jersey Shore in summertime pretty much speaks for itself. Loudly. In a horrible dirty-Jerz accent. Be sure to watch it all the way to the end for some guidette catfight goodness.

Gone Fishin'

Posting will likely be wildly sporadic over the next two weeks, as I'm on vacation. I do have a truly delightful video to share with you later today, but beyond that, I'm a man without a plan. So, like, go outside and play or something.

Things I Like: August 1, 2008

Tumbleweave. (hat tip to Philebrity)

Now that I finally upgraded, Leopard.

Barney Frank's move to decriminalize pot possession. The resources we devote to tracking down and arresting people who smoke weed would be much better spent protecting the ol' homeland. And those rasta shops on South Street would filled with pot smoke, instead of pot-and-incense smoke.

I'm still loving Princess Prince Chunky.

Though I kind of love his airheaded ways, it's probably for the best that the Red Sox traded Manny Ramirez. They need to get it together and stop their slump.

Last days at work...

...especially when followed by two weeks of vacation.

And finally, this clip about the wonders of queefing from Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. (hat tip to OMGblog)



This has been another delicious installment of Things I Like. Enjoy!

Good Morning: Brownstone, "If You Love Me"

If you're a JAWNNY regular, you know that today is the final day of School Bus Jams week, wherein the songs in this week's Good Morning videos have all been ones I remember fondly from my school bus ridin' days. Our final School Bus Jam of the week is one you may have forgotten about. But you'll be feeling it as soon as the beat drops.

Craigslist Roundup: Naughty Reckless Drivers And Classic NES Fetishists

As y'all know by now, I loves me some wacky craigslist ads. A friend back in Rhode Island sent a tweet about this beaut last night, posted by a naughty little reckless-driving minx in Cranston who just wants to be punished for moving violations...and then get off, in more ways than one. The screenshot is below, in case the post gets flagged for removal for some reason. Click to enlarge.

Then, just this morning, Lis sent me the link to an awesome recent addition to the best of craigslist. You really must read the whole thing, but here's one of my favorite parts:

When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, "MORE", "HARDER", "YES", "FUCK ME", but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.

He's so particular! But I have to say, the line "When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you" is (literally) fucking genius.

Update: Princess Chunky Is A Star

Just a few days after the Inquirer reported about the rescue of Princess Chunky, a 44-pound cat, by a Camden County animal shelter, the Princess has become a star. Her - or rather his, as a veterinarian has since determined Princess Chunky is a male - "foster mother" spoke to a radio chat show in London yesterday, and the cat was scheduled to appear on Live with Regis and Kelly this morning, as well as shows on several other networks over the next two days. The Inquirer also adds this interesting detail in today's story about Prince(ss) Chunky:

Shelter officials received a call from the owner, a senior citizen who lost her home to foreclosure and is now staying with friends. Because of her circumstances, the owner said she was "vey sad" she could no longer care for the 44-pound cat, shelter executive director Jennifer Anderch said in a telephone interview this morning.

The happy ending, of course, is that with all the media attention he's getting, Prince(ss) Chunky should have no trouble finding a new home!

Good Morning: Adina Howard, "Freak Like Me"

Good Morning: Jade, "Don't Walk Away"

Princess Chunky Of Jersey

Animal Control in Camden County, NJ, found a 44-pound cat last week that they've dubbed Princess Chunky.

There are fat cats and then there are fat cats.
South Jersey, to be sure, has seen its fair share of the indictable variety, but never before has it seen the likes of the portly pussycat found waddling in Voorhees.

Meet Princess Chunky -- all 44 pounds of her and just two pounds shy of the 1987 Guiness World Record for overweight cats.

Camden County Animal Control Officer Jim McCleery got the call Friday. There was a a stray cat prowling on a patio in the Ashley Run condominium development.

"We picked him up and I knew from the get-go it wouldn't fit in the regular cat carrier, so we had to put him in a dog carrier. . . it was a big cat, the biggest one this year," said McCleery of the Camden County Joint Municipal Animal Control Program.

The article goes on to say that Princess Chunky may have...diabeetus! Poor kitty. Someone did has too many cheezburgerz.

I'm Lovin' It

from Failblog via Joe. My. God.

Service Alert

Just wanted to let y'all know that posting may be a little sparse this week, as my evenings have been spent helping Brian get our new, shared space in order and my days are spent making sure all hell doesn't break loose after my last day at work.

But fear not: I've already got the rest of my School Bus Jams planned out for the rest of the week.

Good Morning: Zhané, "Hey Mr. DJ"

The second video in this week's celebration of School Bus Jams (explained here).

Best Word Of The Day Ever

Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day today is:

t/y Kolajo and Kate

Score Another For Political Correctness And Kneejerk Liberalism

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Good Morning: Mary J. Blige, "Real Love"

After Friday's Good Morning clip, I decided to dedicate this week's clips to School Bus Jams - the songs I remember hearing on the bus on the way to school when I was younger. First up, Mary J. Blige.

Birds Are Scared Of Amy Winehouse

Or at least her scarecrow doppelganger. A farmer in England has apparently made an Amy Winehouse scarecrow that has been surprisingly effective at keeping birds away from his crops.

The booze and cigarette for Amy Scarehouse were nice touches. Very creative. And hey - he's kinda cute, too!

Almighty Crack

Let me begin by saying that I'm glad that everyone got off this terrifying flight totally unscathed. I'd have shit my pants several times had I been on that plane - just look at the photos of the plane and tell me that's not some scary shit right there.

That said, the following headline

Made me think: "Girl, that ain't nothin' compared to the ALMIGHTY CRACK I seen on the trolley the other day!" Am I horrible?

Things I Like: July 25, 2008

That for a $70 contribution to the McCain campaign, you can wipe your feet on John McCain's name every day.

Deleting old e-mails.

Coming across long-forgotten, LOL-inducing, old e-mails in the process.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (now only available on iTunes).

These brutally hot photos of Carlos Freire at Made in Brazil. Yeah, I just said "brutally hot".

That the level of insanity this season on Project Runway - among both judges and contestants - is definitely already at "batshit crazy". And we're only two episodes in. Consult this post on Project Rungay if you don't believe me.

Avocados. Because they actually ripen in a reasonable amount of time in the summer.

Eric Leven's really smart post about ACT UP vs. barebackers.

That I came across this ad while checking the website of a newspaper back home:


And finally, this hilarious video by Secret Pants in which unsuspecting tourists on Independence Mall are presented with quotes and must identify the source: Adam West-era Batman or Bush (hat tip to Philebrity).



This has been another installment of Things I Like. Enjoy!

Good Morning: SWV, "Weak"

One of what I like to call my "School Bus Jams" from back in the day.



For Kolajo

And Now For Something a Little Less Serious

"All you fat bitches shoulda got up out yo' seats when my fat ass pulled around in that goddamn pyramid." Love it. This clip is just a taste of Mo'Nique's utterly uproarious stand-up in The Queens of Comedy, which I highly, highly recommend. Whenever I'm feeling blue, that shit always makes me feel better.

Is Inability to Have Sex a Disability? Yes, Says D.C. Circuit

KJ brought this article to my attention the other day. The gist is as follows. In 2002, Kathy Adams took the Foreign Service entrance exams and passed with flying colors. Before her training started in January 2004, however, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery - specifically, she had a mastectomy and had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed. The State Department then denied her entry into the Foreign Service because they could not guarantee she would have access to adequate follow-up care in her overseas assignments. Adams sued, claiming that the State Department was illegally discriminating against her because she had a disability. What disability was that, you ask? Sexual incapacitation.

Wait a minute - what now? Adams claimed, reasonably enough, that having her lady-parts removed made her gain weight and lose her libido, and that the resulting loss of ability to have sex constituted the loss of a "major life activity" as defined under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Curious, I looked it up to see how it defines "disability":

(2) Disability

The term "disability" means, with respect to an individual

(A) a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more of the major life activities of such individual;

(B) a record of such an impairment; or

(C) being regarded as having such impairment.

So it's kind of vague, but based on my extremely amateur assessment and not having seen any of the evidence from the case, my guess is that I'd probably agree with the judges' assertions that 1) Adams does have a physical impairment that substantially limits her ability to have sex; 2) sex is a "major life activity" protected under the ADA; and 3) therefore, sexual impairment like Adams's qualifies as a disability under the ADA. (So, to answer your question, KJ: Yes, you can show up at work, get fired, and then claim you have vulvodynia and appeal under the ADA.)

Leaving aside some of the peculiarities of the case - in particular, the fact that the judges ruled that it didn't matter that the State Department didn't know the specifics about Adams's disability - KJ and I both found this quote from one of the judges in the majority rather puzzling, if not annoying:

"At the risk of stating the obvious, sex is unquestionably a significant human activity, one our species has been engaging in at least since the biblical injunction to 'be fruitful and multiply,' " appellate Judge David Tatel wrote, adding a citation to the Book of Genesis.

It's puzzling in that you don't see too many public figures these days using the Bible to prove what is ultimately a sex-positive stance: that the ability to have sex is a fundamental aspect of what it means to be human. But I prefer my sex godless, thank you, and that's what makes this statement annoying to me on first blush. My personal beliefs aside, it's also annoying from a logical standpoint. Humans have been around - and have been having sex - much longer than the Bible has existed, so to say that our species has been fucking since "at least the biblical injunction to 'be fruitful and multiply' " is to say something that's painfully obvious, if not downright moronic. And a D.C. Circuit Court judge ought to know that.

Good Morning: Cibo Matto, "Sugar Water"

One of Michel Gondry's best videos.

Let's Not Get Our Basketball Shorts In A Twist

This ad is causing quite a stir in the gay blogosphere, and I'm going to come right out, as it were, and say: I don't really get it. People are saying that this ad is homophobic. I can see where they're coming from, but I don't agree with them.

As a sort-of-recent college graduate who majored in English, I'm well aware that there are multiple ways to read the same text (or advertisement, in this case). But some girls (or readings, in this case) are bigger (or better, in this case) than others, as Morrissey would sing. And in this case, the girl who says this ad is more about getting owned on the basketball court than it is about accidental teabagging is the bigger girl.

My exegesis of the ad is as follows. What this ad is selling is sneakers. The need the sneakers address is the need to excel on the court. Our man in red is clearly not excelling on the court; so far is he from excelling that he's getting dunked on, big time. Dunked on so big that he's got another player's balls in his face. And that utter failure on the basketball court ain't right. So buy these Nikes. Period.

Brandon, a commenter on the blog of the ad agency that created the ad, Wieden+Kennedy, was particularly on point:

As a gay male and a black male, I find that some of the commenters are jumping the gun and crying wolf for an ad that I feel is in no way homophobic. Growing up, what made dunking on someone embarrassing was and is not a man's genitals in your face but the fact that you were slammed on. That's what this is about and I can't help but to feel that it is YOU (the negative commenters) that are ignorant by making such knee jerk reactions. I can't help but to feel that these comments are coming from people who don't play or enjoy basketball to get the point of reference.

"But," you might say, "why is it not right to have another dude's balls in your face? Clearly the ad is homophobic - intentionally or not!" Well, again, the ad isn't saying that balls-to-the-face "ain't right", but let's assume for a moment that it is. In the context of the ad - playing basketball - balls-to-the-face really ain't right. Period. Brian (full disclosure: my man) wrote the following in a comment on Joe.My.God. about this:

It's a fucking power play! It's a battle of masculine will and power. That's what makes sports exciting. And by the way - that's what makes BUTT FUCKING exciting.

I really can't say it any better than that. No one - at any number along the Kinsey scale - wants an opposing player's crotch in his or her face in the heat of competition. That's the key point: in the heat of competition. The moment you take this ad out of context, as pretty much every other gay blogger seems to have done, you're left with what seems to be a homophobic ad. But that's the problem: the moment you take it out of context, you can interpret it however you want. That's not reading the ad; that's bringing your biases and agendas to bear on it. Yes, fellow gays. We have biases too.

"A-ha!" you might exclaim. "But where is the context in this ad? There's no hoop or basketball! You're only assuming this is about basketball!" Well, I'll throw that back at you: if the scene is not happening in the context of basketball, then what exactly are we supposed to believe is going on? Anyone? Again, if you take basketball out of the equation, you can read the ad however you want. I think the homophobia that some people see in this ad comes more from sports itself than from the actual advertisement. Does homophobia permeate sports? Yes, certainly, to some extent it does. But that's a different question altogether. Even though I disagree with his larger point that the ad should be pulled, I think this snippet of Hamilton Nolan's post about this on Gawker puts it best:

That said, the larger point is that the joke here—as in other campaigns revolving around ALL OF AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR SPORTS—is based on the implacable homophobia of straight jocks. That can't be denied.

Finally, I find it infuriating and depressing that the best argument those who think this ad is homophobic can come up with is, "Look at this homophobic ad. It's so homophobic. Because it is. And if you don't see that, then you're a bad, self-hating gay. Fuck Nike!" Where's the argument there? There is none, except for maybe, "I find this offensive; therefore, it must be offensive." Um, no. It is two-thousand-and-friggin'-eight, people. It's time to leave political correctness in the 1990s where it should have already died.